Coming out of the shadow of our lives, wearing the costume of our ideal, is our self-critic with its judging, shaming, and blaming. Our ideal can either function as a guide into the future or a judge from the future. Usually, it’s a judge. We need to renegotiate our relationship with our ideal, the future version of our lives. If not, it could be dangerous. Dangerous? Yes, dangerous. I mean, more trick than treat for sure. For many people, their ideal of themselves functions as a judge, which leads to an ever-increasing sense of deflation and criticism. It leads to gratitude deficits, illusions of inadequacy, progress bankruptcy, and an inability to ground oneself in reality. Your judge, or your ideal future, is an imagined future that has no bearing on your real life. Your ideal, in some sense, is just make-believe. This is not mockery. Make-believe is as important for adults as it is for children. Make-believe helps us explore possibilities. Einstein said, “Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.”
Renegotiating the relationship with your ideal is the deciding factor on whether you’ll be tricked by your ideal or treated. Renegotiation is about shifting your perspective of your ideal. This shift requires relieving your ideal of the burden of judging you so it can be free to live out its best design which is to inspire you and assist you in setting goals. Once that happens, your ideal will motivate you, kindle your vision, and pull you forward like a wind tunnel. Your ideal is substantially important because it gives you a direction. It helps you plot yourself on a map of becoming while giving you hope and renewal. Reflecting on the past progress you have made does not have to contradict a desire for progress in the future. However, unless you look back on where you started, measured against where you are today, with insight and gratitude, you’ll deflate your life of the powerful gift of celebration and appreciation.
If we fail to renegotiate our relationship with our ideal, we’ll either experience relentless self-sabotage or we will become murderers of ideals. We will commit ideal-cide and lose our compass of motivation. The danger starts here. It’s the Cain and Abel story played out in the human experience. Abel was Cain’s ideal. Cain saw the ideal as a judge, so he killed him. This relinquished his felt accountability to change and also destroyed his vision of becoming better than he was. What if he renegotiated his relationship with his ideal? What if he saw him as inspiration, motivation, and direction toward a brighter future? What if he relieved Abel of the burden of being a judge? What if? Don’t be a Cain. Renegotiate.
Now that you have learned to renegotiate your relationship with your ideal, by relieving it of the burden of judgment, you have consequentially set yourself up for endless opportunities for gratitude and wisdom as you look back on where you started. Looking back at the past you can feel gratitude because you’re not where you once were. When you look toward the future you’re no longer judged by your ideal. In either direction, past or future, you win. Now your ideal is an engine for inspiration. Furthermore, it’s a friend, an endearing light instead of a harsh critic. Trick or Treat has become Treat or Treat.